jenn's commentary

2007-04-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

Albert Einstein

move over, rocky (i might trip on your walker)

2007-01-29T18:10:00.000-08:00

so i decided i want to be a boxer

i just don't want to hit anybody
or get hit by anybody

especially the second one!

trying new things

2006-08-18T20:59:00.000-07:00

i've always suspected and now it's confirmed - i suck at rockclimbing walls.
i think i got about half a foot higher than i could reach from the ground... well, maybe a BIT higher than that, but not much!

i did, however, successfully do the leap of faith - jump off a platform to hit a target and pray really hard that the guy on the ground doesn't let you fall

AND i did the giant swing, which was totally fun!

other things i did that were dirt scary: rollerblade down the ramp (small ramp admittedly, but i can't skate at all and my legs were shaking); tubing (not actually scary, mostly just fun... but i DID get elbowed in the jaw repeatedly while the boat driver tried to knock us off); the blob (ok, also not scary, but i'd never done it before. hmm. maybe i should've called this section something different...)

i really liked when the teens, whom i'd been pestering constantly to try new things and to face their fears, would turn it back on me... it's only fair: if i expect them to try something that scares them, i'd better be ready to try something that scares me.
darn it!

and when they'd encourage and support me as sincerely and enthusiastically as i'd support them...
i have really great teens!

i'm old(er)!

2006-08-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

it was my birthday
i'm old!!
BUT it was a really great birthday...

red lobster with my fam - despite heather's seafood allergy!
cake and hotdogs with squads and then we went to a movie - my groups were AMAZINGLY well-behaved for all activities - possibly the BEST birthday present ever!
i got a frappachino from starbucks
it RAINED with lightning and thunder and wind

and the next day my friend cooked me dinner and then another friend had planned a downtown scavenger hunt birthday party that ended up at an amazing dessert place

it was really great!
even though i'm old
er

lunch with lily

2006-07-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

i went out for lunch with lily today.
she took me to a place in chinatown that she told me had really good food.
i think we ordered about 87 things and the waitress kept bringing more and more food to our table. and more. and more.
it was really really good...
and then i learned how to say the name of the place... which i promptly forgot...
(but i'm sure she'd tell me again)

time flies part 2

2006-07-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

sooo, my last post was about 2 weeks ago, marvelling at how fast my vacation time was going, and this post will be very much the same, unfortunately.

and it's not like i'm really DOING anything that later i'll look back on and say "wow! what well-spent time!" more like i'll look back and say " really?? all those days went by? wow!"

hmmm. at least there's a "wow" in both the things i say to myself. i'm very enthusiastic. apparently.

july 15?!? already!!!

2006-07-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

wow time flies when you're accomplishing nothing!

i guess that's not totally true -- i've been hanging out with kids at summer squads; that's a good thing.

but my innate ability to procrastinate is well-entrenched, no matter how hard i try to fight it.
i've actually been pretty faithful about DOING stuff... just gotta keep on keepin' on i guess

but wow! 1/4 of my summer is already gone!
scary

rolling rampage

2006-06-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

i took some kids to a wheelchair relay race. i hope that it was fun and different and eye-opening for them. they had to wheel themselves around a 250m circuit. i heard some big talk about how easy it'd be... of course, that was all BEFORE they actually did the race...

i love our kids. they are so amazing. they tried really hard and supported each other and had really positive attitudes when it was harder than they thought.

watching them watch the race was very cool. there was an old man on one of our teams and he was wheeling as fast as he could (not very...) and when he wheeled by T&V, waiting for their turns, they stopped their conversation and started clapping and cheering for him. it was really sweet. they're good boys.

stabbed with needles

2006-05-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

i got acupuncture.
i wasn't sure how big a baby i would be... but i'm totally not!
a baby, that is...
not that it's, like, painful or scary or anything.
just in theory -- you know, the word "puncture" being used in the context of "on your person"...

a month and a half...

2006-05-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

i should start with "i love my job"
i really really do.
i also am looking forward to a BREAK from my job, so that i can CONTINUE loving it.
i have such a short attention span sometimes.
or maybe just for some things...

afternoon at the park

2006-04-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

it was such a great day; sunny and warm and breezy.
a bunch of people went to the park to play soccer.
i couldn't play, but i watched my friends play soccer.
and played catch with a kid.
and unintentionally started a water fight.
and sat on the grass and talked to a girl i hadn't seen for a while.
it was such a great day; sunny and warm and breezy.

a fine balance

2006-04-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

Ishvar shook his head sadly. "Why are business people so heartless? With all their money, they still look unhappy."
"It's a disease without a cure," said Dina. "Like cancer. And they don't even know they have it."

"...I prefer to think God is a giant quiltmaker. With an infinite variety of designs. And the quilt is grown so big and confusing, the pattern is impossible to see, the squares and diamonds and triangles don't fit well together anymore, it's all become meaningless. So He has abandoned it."

"But sometimes people have no choice. The city grabs you, sinks its claws into you, and refuses to let go."

no attention span...

2006-04-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

sometimes i just don't focus well...
i have been reading the same 4 books for forever.
don't get me wrong; i intersperse them with many other books... i just can't seem to focus and read these 4 books.
(note: 4 is probably more an arbitrary than factual number, meant to represent the plethora of books i start and plan to read but tend to put off and will eventually get back to, i guess, someday... although, it IS currently four. sitting on a table by my bed. in some vain attempt to lure myself back to them so i can finally be finished with them...)
oh well... think i'll go read something else...

look! it's the invisible woman!

2006-04-01T12:39:00.002-08:00

people look past me, over me, around me, through me.
sometimes i don't mind so much.
sometimes i do mind.

so good and then...

2006-03-21T14:52:00.000-08:00

i was doing SO good on the giving up laziness for lent!
and then i fell.
literally.
and really really hurt my ankle.
and it kind of all went downhill from there.
(figuratively)
so i got myself a replacement lent sacrifice. even more vague and unmeasurable than the last.
i suck at this!

fear of falling

2006-03-03T16:57:00.000-08:00

fear to go down. to start. to try.
to fall, yes. but the falling wasn't as bad as the fear of it.

at first standing at the top wondering if i could even force myself to do it.
then actually trying and NOT dying!
and having fun!
the more i did it, the easier it was to just do it. not to hestiate and stress and worry, but to just ... go

and at the end of the day, i wished that i'd been less fearful at the beginning.
i waste so much time on fear.
i don't want to look back on my days and wish i'd started earlier.
i want to be brave.

goodbye snooze button...

2006-03-01T16:25:00.000-08:00

in considering what to give up for lent, i came up with many and varied ideas. most of them, however, were exceedingly vague... indeterminate... immeasurable... so that was a bit of a challenge.

in the end, i decided to give up laziness. i know. sort of sounds vague, indeterminate, immeasurable... so i added some parameters to make it quantifiable and, therefore, sustainable

it's going to be hard; i'm very good at accomplishing nothing...

perception of motivation

2006-02-26T16:50:00.000-08:00

i'm not in anyone else's head.
i don't know what they think or feel or want or fear or need or love.
i often think that i know.
i often think that i understand a persons motivation as well as if they'd told me.
i bet i'm right sometimes.
i'm pretty sure i'm wrong sometimes.
i might even be wrong a lot of the time. (shhh don't tell...)
i bet people think they understand me.
that they know why i do things, or what i think, or how i feel...
i bet they're right sometimes.
i'm pretty sure they're wrong sometimes.

i wonder what would happen if we were more honest in relationships
i wonder what would happen if i told people what i think, feel, want, fear, need, love
i wonder what would happen if i asked people what they think, feel, want, fear, need, love

from wicked

2006-01-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

Elphaba the girl does not know how to see her father as a broken man. All she knows is that he passes his brokenness on to her. Daily his habits of loathing and self-loathing cripple her. Daily she loves him back because she knows no other way.

gregory maguire

the puzzle metaphor

2006-01-07T13:06:00.000-08:00

sometimes i get all impatient and start ramming puzzle pieces in the wrong places.
i know they're the right puzzle pieces. they're not errant pieces from some other box. they belong to this puzzle. it's just not the right time or right place to put them in.
i can see that they BELONG in the puzzle though. and they LOOK like they're going to fit. and then i'm all happy because the puzzle is becoming...
but when i go to put them in place, they don't quite fit yet.
i'm putting them in in the wrong order...

***sigh***
patience...

provision

2006-01-06T16:00:00.000-08:00

God is good
He gives me what i need when i need it
not what i want, necessarily, but what i need
sometimes i'm not even looking for Him, listening for Him, expecting Him and He comes and shows me something miraculous, comforting, profound

and sometimes when i am looking and listening and expecting, He is silent

but He knows better than me
and i know enough to just trust
God is good

fervent prayer

2006-01-06T15:38:00.000-08:00

i knew i was almost out of gas when i left darla's house. the last thing i thought as i drove down her street was "i wonder where a gas station is..." and then when i got to the main road i saw the sign for the highway back to toronto and all thoughts of an esso completely vanished...
and did not return until the little yellow gas light came on, which, as luck would have it, did not happen until i was well away from the lights of peterborough and nowhere near the lights of anywhere else.
in a very responsible way, i immediately got off the highway and started looking for a gas station in town. unfortunately, these are very small towns and it was 9:30 at night.
so i got back on the highway and determined that ACTUAL wisdom would be staying on the highway until i saw either a gas station or a sign for one.
the needle was hovering over empty for a really really long time.
i started off kind of stressing about it, but after a few minutes i realized stressing wasn't changing anything: it didn't refill my tank. it didn't make my car require less gas to run. it didn't cause a gas station to magically appear.
so i let it go.
i know that if i run out of gas it's not the end of the world.
i know that it's my own fault for being flakey.
i know that God is with me.
why stress??

mr. worf, lower shields

2005-12-31T09:37:00.000-08:00

there were a few days where i was really feeling horrific. i was sick and sleepy and impatient and grumpy and melodramatic and overly sensitive.
it was not a fun time. i would get angry over nothing things and cry because i was angry over nothing things.
i would cry because someone would make a joke and i'd take it seriously.
i would cry because i double-booked myself without realizing it.
i would cry because i was sick and sleepy and impatient and melodramatic and overly sensitive.

it was a very long couple of days.

there was something kind of refreshing about it, too, though.
maybe because i can be so guarded.
maybe because i dropped my barriers and my defenses and my arms keeping people at safe distances.
maybe because i still had people who loved me, even when i wasn't nice or fun or easy to be with.
maybe becuase i need to learn to be more open and less guarded

snow

2005-12-31T09:16:00.000-08:00

i love snow. it's soft and pretty and cold and clean
i love when it falls fast and sharp and stinging
i love when it falls slow and floaty and gentle
when the flakes are big and crystalline and you can see all the minute detail in them. like beauty created just for that moment, that second before it melts away and is gone forever; like beauty created just for me to see to remind me how big and infinite and intimate and miraculous God is.
i love snow.

christmas morning

2005-12-31T09:02:00.000-08:00

i woke up on christmas day and cried.
i was thinking about people i know. people i love. people who, apparently, make me cry...

i know a lot of really amazing people. especially kids. i am really blessed to know these guys, and i think i sometimes gloss over that. but on christmas morning, i was so grateful to people for their friendship and their love.

and so grateful to God for giving them to me.

or giving me to them.

or giving us to each other.

DISCLAIMER

2005-12-31T08:36:00.000-08:00

i'm always saying that i want to write about something, but i never get around to actually doing it. and now the year is ending. today. and i haven't posted, like, a billion things...
so i am going to cheat and do a bunch today, before it's a new year.
i'm very very sneaky.

so gross!

2005-12-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

i got my eyes lasered. it was SOOO gross.
not in a bad way, though... just in a "ew gross" kind of way.

gross things in the laser eye surgery experience:
1. they push really really hard on your eyeball! i couldn't wear contacts cuz touching my eye creeped me out. but them? PUSHING. REALLY HARD. gross.
2. you can see the flap of your eye that they cut back. the doctor, like, flips it out of the way and i could see the chunk of my eye moving. gross.
3. it smells like burning hair. ew.
4. they give you these deplorably ugly sunglasses and tell you to wear them for a week. riiiight.

so, gross. but totally cool, too.
and i can see.

and then there were three...

2005-11-20T23:40:00.000-08:00

marnie reads my blog!
she even told me...
AND she wants me to write on it more often.
i must be special.

or marnie must be bored...

sweet like pie...

2005-11-04T13:35:00.000-08:00

a kid just offered me nerds.
i said no thanks.
he told me i was no fun, and then offered me a lollipop.
i said nope, i'm good.
so he called me a party pooper.
i told him if he'd offered me gum or a chocolate bar, i would've said yes.
he turned around real fast and tossed me a coffee crisp.
how cute is that!

orange eyelashes

2005-10-31T14:36:00.000-08:00

this is fairly random, but i really like them.
ok, they weigh a TON
but they're different and fun and SO many people comment on them
maybe they're not just for halloween...
maybe occasionally when i'm bored with the everyday, i should throw them on, just for fun...

boardwalk

2005-10-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

went to the boardwalk after church
it was cold and windy and i had no real coat
(i did have a scarf though)
it was dark and the waves were loud and sparkly and splashing
there were stars, bright even in the city sky
and i sat at the end of a dock and the water crashed around me and the stars shone out of darkness and the noisy world faded away and there was quiet.
good night.

change -- it's not just the sneakers

2005-10-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

so, i now own t-shirts.
and i wear running shoes.
i feel kind of icky if i eat too much sugar.
i like snow peas. shut up, i know. snow peas!

ok, so these are small things, but still...

i want different things.
i have different values.
i dream different dreams.

we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18.

i hope that's me.
i'd like to be more like Jesus.

return to me

2005-10-21T19:35:00.000-07:00

"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty. Malachi 3:6-7

high school... the sequel

2005-10-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

for starters, i can now explain to you the four-stroke engine.
and i have a 13-year-old goth friend. (who, by the way, thought i was a senior student on a spare getting volunteer hours. she's my new favourite...)
and i spend a lot of my day talking and laughing with students.
and i still don't have a stinking CLUE about data management, but i DO understand the basics of pascal's triangle, so... small victories.

scarf weather!

2005-10-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

yay! it's fall. i so love fall.
i especially love scarves in fall.
LONG scarves...

and mittens!
my floppity mittens are making a comeback!
(they're SO tacky... everyone's JEALOUS!)

i love when the days get shorter and the nights get darker.
i love rain and wind and leaves on the ground.
i love sweater and puddles and sneakers

(YES! SNEAKERS!!!
next topic: change...)

high school??? shut up!

2005-09-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

yeah, so i'm back in high school... who'd've thought!

but it's all good.

i'm doing these incredibly random classes -- auto mechanics, woodshop, statistics (hey, to me it's random)... everyday is a new adventure... most of the time, i almost have a clue what's going on.

almost.

but i've had some really good times here and it's only been, like, a week, so that's cool. grade 9 boys' gym was, by far, the best class i've been in... and then the deaf kid's schedule changed and now, tragically, i've lost gym!

and instead, i have to interpret something about lawnmower engines... somehow it just doesn't seem fair...

not that it matters, but...

2005-09-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

ok, i really DO read books.
i just never change my blog, so it SEEMS like i don't actually read anything, but i DO...
really.

so i should change them now, right? theoretically, yes. BUT i haven't actually finished any of the books that have been listed here (forever) yet.

pathetic. i know.

good to be home

2005-08-18T14:31:00.000-07:00

don't get me wrong... my trip was great; australia is beautiful; i got to see my sisser...

but it's good to be home!

i walked through regent park -- straight up and down the middle to pick up kids and take them home later -- and i ran into, like, 30 people who i just HAD TO stop and talk with...

AMAZING!

... good to be home...

mad skills

2005-08-13T05:18:00.000-07:00

i am SO on fire with this blogging thing.

seriously...

stinky pete

2005-07-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

i miss stinky pete!

stinky pete was in my class for 3 years. funniest kid ever. EXCELLENT taste in music. and tv shows. made me laugh really really hard on many occasions.

there are a few defining moments in my relationship with pete -- not his actual name, just what i liked to call him -- that will always stay with me:

after school one day, i was getting my stuff together to head out and pete comes back into the classroom. i was, like, what'd you forget, man? and he shrugged and came over to my desk and said, i just wanted to talk to you cuz i had a fight with my friend and i don't know what to do to make it better.

how great is this kid?? he takes responsibility that so many adults won't. yeah, we fought so now we have to fix it. no avoidance. no pretence of innocence. just facing a situation straight up and taking care of business.

different day, we'd finished watching a movie and when the vcr was turned off, there was a world vision show on. a couple of kids wanted to watch it for a few minutes. ok... pete says, really quietly, "makes me see how lucky i am..."

pete's the kid on the easter seals telethon who makes OTHER people watching tv say "makes me see how lucky i am..."

another time pete comes over to me, middle of a kind of crappy day, and says jenn... can i have a hug?

no explanation. no conversational precursor. just "can i have a hug". love it.
love pete.

the challenge of blogging

2005-07-20T18:24:00.000-07:00

i really DO intend to write stuff.

seriously.

it just doesn't always happen... ok... EVER happen...

there have been so many really really cool things that i've done and seen and been to over the last little while that i could write pages and pages on but... i don't know... maybe i don't know quite where to begin. or where to end. or what to put in the middle.

school's out for summer...

2005-06-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

ok, so not actually yet... but tomorrow is the last day.
i am SO excited... ecstatic... relieved...

i'm "graduating" from grade 8 and going into high school. should be special.

i am really really looking forward to NOT being at my current school. but at the same time i'm really really going to miss my current school.

santa claus walking on the roof, waving through the skylights... out of control playday waterfights... kids telling me their random, dramatic stories from the night before... these are things that i'll SO miss.

it would appear that i am "it"

2005-06-23T07:21:00.000-07:00

number of books i own: never counted, don't have a clue, so i'm gonna go with: some

last book i bought: might've been the prophet. or maybe lost souls.

last book i read: i read lots at the same time... i can't remember which one i finisehd most recently... is that sad?? i think it really IS...

books that mean a lot to me: oh my gosh! how hard is this question! piles and piles!

feelin' the love...

2005-06-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

apparently people ACTUALLY read my blog! who knew!?!?!

but i've been told repeatedly that i have to update it...

it's not that i haven't thought about blogging. i've even started posts. it just wasn't happenin'...

but, as the public outcry has been deafening of late... i will endeavour to be more rigorous with my blogging.

waterfight!

2005-06-08T06:12:00.000-07:00

one of my teens suggested (demanded?) a waterfight for squads last night.
it's so very hot... who am i to quibble???

SO MUCH FUN!

lies

2005-05-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

the world tells us all sorts of lies and we listen without even realizing we're listening to them.
it's evil.
it's insidious.
but it's all around and it's always there and it's just waiting for us to take our eyes off the Truth.

let it go

2005-05-16T07:13:00.000-07:00

hey man, you don't know what you're missing
you count your curses and forget about the blessings
don't you think you should learn a little lesson
what are you waiting for?

hey man, what makes you so special now
you can't seem to find the angels for the devils
don't you think that if you learned to love a little
you'd live a whole lot more

let it go let it go
this is smaller than you know
it's no bigger than a pebble lying on a gravel road
let it go let it go
got to leave it all behind you
give the sun a chance to find you
let it go

hey man, there's no time for crying now
you made your bed but you don't think its fit to lie in
you're wasted on the ground when you know you should be flying
what are you waiting for?

let it go let it go
this is smaller than you know
it's no bigger than a pebble lying on a gravel road
let it go let it go
got to leave it all behind you
give the sun a chance to find you
let it go

how can a man not see
it seems so clear to me
but you've got to live and learn
smile at the simple stuff
this road ain't long enough
to miss a single turn

let it go let it go
this is smaller than you know
it's no bigger than a pebble lying on a gravel road
let it go let it go
got to leave it all behind you
give the sun a chance to find you
let it go

a. doyle/g. sampson/b. daly

an orange daisy!

2005-05-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

so ordinarily i wouldn't even WANT a flower, but... an orange daisy?!?! i actually want it!

and i wasn't one of the people who was supposed to get one!

but i got one anyway!

it made me SO happy because there is no better flower!

now it's in a water bottle from the prayer room with a bible verse about not knowing God's timing... perfect!

coincidence? i think not...

2005-05-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/c/c0465800.html
how often does God lead me without my even knowing? all the time??

like when i've been going somewhere and thought to myself "why on earth am i taking this incredibly convoluted route??" and then run into someone i haven't seen in forever and it ends up being this great coincidence that i just happened to stumble upon...

or when i've decided against doing something and last second change my mind and it turns out to be exactly what i needed and i'm so glad i happened to change my mind...

people, things, experiences, sights, songs, stories...

God is good and he has all this stuff happening that i can't see or imagine or dream of and it's just amazing when He lets me in on a little piece of it...

i think my life is FILLED with coincidences that just really aren't...

focus & perspective

2005-05-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

it's weird, i've had a few conversations lately where i know that the person i'm talking with is on about something COMPLETELY different...

it's interesting...

i love the way life is so layered
so multidimensional
so variegated

everyone's got a unique view
the way they come at things
the angle they see life from
where they're looking
how they're looking
how they're perceiving

it's interesting...

don't forget to curtsey...

2005-05-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

today i was told that i am the queen of random questions

i LOVE being royalty...

how obtuse can i be??

2005-05-10T05:51:00.000-07:00

not so quick on the uptake...
i keep trying to sort out what it is that God is telling me...
He keeps on bringing up the same thing over and over...
CLEARLY i'm not getting the point...
wish i knew what the point was...

100 jellybeans

2005-05-08T14:43:00.000-07:00

a man and a puppet had a conversation... went a little something like this:
think of a number... if you don't tell me your number all day, at the end of the day i'll give you 100 jellybeans.
ok
if you tell me RIGHT NOW, i'll give you 10 jellybeans RIGHT NOW
2

how often do we do that...

i really need a job... here's one... it's not great, it's not really for me... but it's a job, right? and i really need a job...

10 jellybeans.

God's got this incredible, perfect, exactly right thing for me if i trust Him and wait on Him... but i just can't wait, cause i really need a job...

or i want someone to love me... i want to know that i'm important and special and somebody cares about me... so i'll take whoever comes along and seems to care... just so i can have SOMEONE...

10 jellybeans.

God's got this incredible, perfect, exactly right guy for me if i trust Him and wait on Him... but i just can't wait, cause i really want to be in love...

or i want to know what to do with my life... i want to have it all planned out... to know where i'm going, what i'm doing... and i don't know yet what God wants, so i start making my own plans, going my own directions...

10 jellybeans.

God's got this incredible, perfect, exactly right life for me if i trust Him and wait on Him... but i just can't wait, cause i really need a plan...

y'know, though, i think what i REALLY want is 100 jellybeans.

dodge ball

2005-05-04T11:22:00.000-07:00

i dominated!

yup. last girl standing. that'd be me.

true, it was only 11 year-olds playing, but still...

private school boys

2005-05-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

gotta love the crescent boys...

even though they wear green blazers and wool pants, they're still very cool boys.

i'm sure they don't wear the wool pants outside of school.

i heart precipitation!

2005-05-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

i was so sad today! i heard someone in the hall explaining hail and sleet to a kid. i wanted to go outside and stand in the hail and sleet, but i was working.

then someone came into the room and said it was POURING out... and i could just see it through a few inches of window. but, again, i was working and so i couldn't go out to play in the rain.

and when i finally left work, the rain was done and the sun was out. the only remnants of the rain were a few scattered puddles and the still slightly wet ground. sad.

BUT...

as i was driving later that evening, a few drops of rain landed on my windshield! happy!

so instead of parking right outside, i left my car a couple of blocks away and walked in the little drips of rain.

wasn't a deluge... but it made me happy...

of all the pain, the greatest pain, is to love, but to love in vain - abraham cowley

2005-04-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

how much does it hurt to be in love with someone who is not in love with you?

and not even really in LOVE... just in "like". shallow. superficial. selfish.

how must God feel when He looks at us with REAL LOVE...

$1

2005-04-29T07:36:00.000-07:00

i'm eating a bagel.
i got it from timmies this morning.
sesame, toasted with butter.
$1.
it's kind of burnt around the edges.
and it's gotten cold.
there's not very many sesame seeds on it.
kind of a disappointing bagel experience.

more than a billion people in the world have an income of less than my bagel per day.

butt money journal's

2005-04-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

uh, joe posted this on my behalf...

seriously, i wear shoes...

2005-04-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

so, i didn't wear flip flops hardly at all this winter.

so many people commented on my lack of flip flops!!!

but every time they commented, it was always went a little something like "wow, you're not wearing flip flops today!" and i would say "i haven't worn flip flops for months!"

then when i'd see them AGAIN, they'd comment AGAIN "wow, you're not wearing flip flops today!"

woah, deja vu!

so, despite my NOT wearing flip flops for an extended period of time, people still associate me with them...

they don't even look, they just assume i MUST'VE been wearing them all this time.

kind of has far-reaching implications, if you think about it...

math lessons

2005-04-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

i was told by a math teacher that when you're learning your times tables, there are three numbers that you just have to memorize. i guess there's some sort of trick or mnemonic device or some way to remember all the other numbers except 4x8, 6x7, and 7x8.

those three you just have to memorize.

it's like trusting God. sometimes it's something that i just have to memorize. there's no other way that i'm going to remember to do it. when life feels desultory and uncertain, i just have to know in my head that God is faithful and He has a plan, even if i can't see it.

32, 42, 56, trust God

tall girls. short guys.

2005-04-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

our waiter wouldn't date a girl who was taller than him.
"fool around with her, sure... but date someone taller? nope. wouldn't do it. well... maybe if she was only, like, an inch taller... but no more. and it'd be weird."

why?

who says that the guy has to be taller? shouldn't it be more about personalities and values and your relationship than about inseam length?

how very archaic.

if i have to be with a taller guy, do i also have to greet him at the door after work in a twirly dress, apron and pearls; the kids lined up in the foyer wearing short pants and button-down shirts; a pot roast simmering in the background...

the tilt-me kid cont'd

2005-04-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

so i have a really easy life. it's true. and i know it.

i hang around with some of the coolest kids you could ever want to meet...
like the tilt-me kid: his life is so much harder than anything i've ever had to deal with. he's 13. he's a quadriplegic. his dream is to walk; his reality is his head-controlled wheelchair. he has to rely on someone else for pretty much everything.

he humbles me.

he's also really smart. but people look at him -- IF they look at him -- and dismiss him... he can't possibly have a mind that works if his arms and legs don't, right?

the tilt-me kid sees prejudice, inequality, condescension, ignorance.
the tilt-me kid sees it, hates it, sucks it up, gets on with life.

yeah, he complains about the big stuff once in a while (generally in a mildly sarcastic story, which i love...) but for the most part he's pretty content with life.

he humbles me.

the tilt-me kid

2005-04-21T19:05:00.000-07:00

i love the tilt-me kid.

he makes me laugh so hard.

sometimes he makes me cry so hard.

but mostly, he's just a great kid.

me, God and the tilt-me kid

2005-04-21T12:30:00.000-07:00

so i thought i should have a blog.

i have oh so many hours to fill in my life that i felt this would really allow me to waste a good 5 or 6 minutes every week or so...
the one thing that has held me back from starting said blog was a commitment issue: i just didn't feel i could choose a title -- it's tough being me.

anyway, i've been compelled to just pick a title and go with it... mostly cuz the tilt-me kid keeps whacking my shoulder with a metal stick until i type something.
so welcome to jenn's commentary. i'm sure it'll be a hugely prolific undertaking. i know that i am very focused and have a phenomenal attention span.
i should be posting again in 2007.

it's been fun.