jenn's commentary

there were a few days where i was really feeling horrific. i was sick and sleepy and impatient and grumpy and melodramatic and overly sensitive.
it was not a fun time. i would get angry over nothing things and cry because i was angry over nothing things.
i would cry because someone would make a joke and i'd take it seriously.
i would cry because i double-booked myself without realizing it.
i would cry because i was sick and sleepy and impatient and melodramatic and overly sensitive.

it was a very long couple of days.

there was something kind of refreshing about it, too, though.
maybe because i can be so guarded.
maybe because i dropped my barriers and my defenses and my arms keeping people at safe distances.
maybe because i still had people who loved me, even when i wasn't nice or fun or easy to be with.
maybe becuase i need to learn to be more open and less guarded

i love snow. it's soft and pretty and cold and clean
i love when it falls fast and sharp and stinging
i love when it falls slow and floaty and gentle
when the flakes are big and crystalline and you can see all the minute detail in them. like beauty created just for that moment, that second before it melts away and is gone forever; like beauty created just for me to see to remind me how big and infinite and intimate and miraculous God is.
i love snow.

i woke up on christmas day and cried.
i was thinking about people i know. people i love. people who, apparently, make me cry...

i know a lot of really amazing people. especially kids. i am really blessed to know these guys, and i think i sometimes gloss over that. but on christmas morning, i was so grateful to people for their friendship and their love.

and so grateful to God for giving them to me.

or giving me to them.

or giving us to each other.

i'm always saying that i want to write about something, but i never get around to actually doing it. and now the year is ending. today. and i haven't posted, like, a billion things...
so i am going to cheat and do a bunch today, before it's a new year.
i'm very very sneaky.

i got my eyes lasered. it was SOOO gross.
not in a bad way, though... just in a "ew gross" kind of way.

gross things in the laser eye surgery experience:
1. they push really really hard on your eyeball! i couldn't wear contacts cuz touching my eye creeped me out. but them? PUSHING. REALLY HARD. gross.
2. you can see the flap of your eye that they cut back. the doctor, like, flips it out of the way and i could see the chunk of my eye moving. gross.
3. it smells like burning hair. ew.
4. they give you these deplorably ugly sunglasses and tell you to wear them for a week. riiiight.

so, gross. but totally cool, too.
and i can see.